theholyinnocent (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
theholyinnocent) wrote2010-05-01 12:00 am
theholyinnocent) wrote2010-05-01 12:00 am
Happy Birthday, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cabenson!
For your special day, a beautiful tale of transgressive love. Enjoy!
Olivia: What is it you wanted to tell me?
Natalia: It's not easy for me to say. Hey, want some tuna casserole? I have some in my purse.
Olivia: Spill it.
Natalia: All right...it's...I'm pregnant.
Olivia: WTF? Who? What? Where? When?
(pregnant pause, marked by loud, inappropriate rock music.)
Natalia: It...it was the Sock Monkey. That night at Reva's President Day Party!
(flashback)
Reva: OH MAH GAH, BUD! Natalia done drunk alla mah homemade Cross Creek Bathtub Gin and now she's in mah bedroom canoodling with that there Sock Monkey! This is the best darn President's Day Party EVER!!!!!!
Jellybean: But...a sock monkey baby? That means I won't be the focus of attention anymore...and I'm so irresistibly cute...
Natalia: You are cute, Sprinkle Donut. Things won't change that much. We won't love you any less.
Jellybean: It's JellyBean, dumb ass.
Natalia: Whatevs. Don't ruin the moment, Jolly Rancher.
Olivia (to self): MUST. KILL. FETUS.
Olivia: OK, so I'm thinking...I make you a pitcher of margaritas and push you down the stairs. Or else we slip Rick some cash and....
Natalia: You do realize you're talking about abortion IN A CHURCH?
Olivia: Really? I thought maybe Buzz redecorated Company in a really gay way.
Natalia: Get used to it, I'm HAVING THIS FREAKISH BASTARD BABY. Oh hi, Father Ray!
Olivia: OK, all this fantastic face-stroking sex has convinced me: I can't wait until you have the baby.
Natalia: I'm so happy. Nothing will come between us now...
Sock Monkey: NATALIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Olivia: Piss off, ya pile of rags. Your baby mama's mine.
THE END
Reva: WAIT A GODDAMNED MINUTE. IS THAT ALL THE GODDAMN SCREEN TIME AH GIT? NO WONDER THEY CANCELED THIS GODDAMN SHOW.
Olivia: What is it you wanted to tell me?
Natalia: It's not easy for me to say. Hey, want some tuna casserole? I have some in my purse.
Olivia: Spill it.
Natalia: All right...it's...I'm pregnant.
Olivia: WTF? Who? What? Where? When?
(pregnant pause, marked by loud, inappropriate rock music.)
Natalia: It...it was the Sock Monkey. That night at Reva's President Day Party!
(flashback)
Reva: OH MAH GAH, BUD! Natalia done drunk alla mah homemade Cross Creek Bathtub Gin and now she's in mah bedroom canoodling with that there Sock Monkey! This is the best darn President's Day Party EVER!!!!!!
Jellybean: But...a sock monkey baby? That means I won't be the focus of attention anymore...and I'm so irresistibly cute...
Natalia: You are cute, Sprinkle Donut. Things won't change that much. We won't love you any less.
Jellybean: It's JellyBean, dumb ass.
Natalia: Whatevs. Don't ruin the moment, Jolly Rancher.
Olivia (to self): MUST. KILL. FETUS.
Olivia: OK, so I'm thinking...I make you a pitcher of margaritas and push you down the stairs. Or else we slip Rick some cash and....
Natalia: You do realize you're talking about abortion IN A CHURCH?
Olivia: Really? I thought maybe Buzz redecorated Company in a really gay way.
Natalia: Get used to it, I'm HAVING THIS FREAKISH BASTARD BABY. Oh hi, Father Ray!
Olivia: OK, all this fantastic face-stroking sex has convinced me: I can't wait until you have the baby.
Natalia: I'm so happy. Nothing will come between us now...
Sock Monkey: NATALIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Olivia: Piss off, ya pile of rags. Your baby mama's mine.
THE END
Reva: WAIT A GODDAMNED MINUTE. IS THAT ALL THE GODDAMN SCREEN TIME AH GIT? NO WONDER THEY CANCELED THIS GODDAMN SHOW.