Happy Birthday, cabenson!

[theholyinnocent]

For your special day, a beautiful tale of transgressive love. Enjoy!







Olivia: What is it you wanted to tell me?

Natalia: It's not easy for me to say. Hey, want some tuna casserole? I have some in my purse.

Olivia: Spill it.

Natalia: All right...it's...I'm pregnant.

Olivia: WTF? Who? What? Where? When?

(pregnant pause, marked by loud, inappropriate rock music.)

Natalia: It...it was the Sock Monkey. That night at Reva's President Day Party!

(flashback)



Reva: OH MAH GAH, BUD! Natalia done drunk alla mah homemade Cross Creek Bathtub Gin and now she's in mah bedroom canoodling with that there Sock Monkey! This is the best darn President's Day Party EVER!!!!!!



Jellybean: But...a sock monkey baby? That means I won't be the focus of attention anymore...and I'm so irresistibly cute...

Natalia: You are cute, Sprinkle Donut. Things won't change that much. We won't love you any less.

Jellybean: It's JellyBean, dumb ass.

Natalia: Whatevs. Don't ruin the moment, Jolly Rancher.

Olivia (to self): MUST. KILL. FETUS.



Olivia: OK, so I'm thinking...I make you a pitcher of margaritas and push you down the stairs. Or else we slip Rick some cash and....

Natalia: You do realize you're talking about abortion IN A CHURCH?

Olivia: Really? I thought maybe Buzz redecorated Company in a really gay way.

Natalia: Get used to it, I'm HAVING THIS FREAKISH BASTARD BABY. Oh hi, Father Ray!



Olivia: OK, all this fantastic face-stroking sex has convinced me: I can't wait until you have the baby.

Natalia: I'm so happy. Nothing will come between us now...

Sock Monkey: NATALIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Olivia: Piss off, ya pile of rags. Your baby mama's mine.

THE END



Reva: WAIT A GODDAMNED MINUTE. IS THAT ALL THE GODDAMN SCREEN TIME AH GIT? NO WONDER THEY CANCELED THIS GODDAMN SHOW.

Comments

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

Okay, it was already side-splitting funny THEN I got to the pic wher the Sock Monkey replaced Ragin' Rafe!I had to stifle my guffaw for fear of waking up teh wife. Brilliant! Thank you so damn much!!!

[mantaraggio.livejournal.com]

You mean that photo isn't real?? NOoooooOOooooOooo!

Happy birthday, lady!

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Well, I was going to get all haughty and be like, "It's intentionally bad! DUH!" but yes, I suck much at Photoshop and was doing it on the sly at work....

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it, Brrrrthday Girl! If only the Sock Monkey had replaced Ragin' Rafe on the show.

[stargazer1960.livejournal.com]

You are going to sock monkey hell for writing this.

;)

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the Pope of the Sock Monkeys, CB, will exonerate me!

Did you sing Happy Birthday to her yet?

[stargazer1960.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. She got her wooly brown and white presents this morning.

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! And I agree with cabenson: that pic with the sock monkey scarecrow in the field has to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Well done, THI, well done!

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much, Ann! And may I say....your monkey icon is SCARY! :)

[commasplice103.livejournal.com]

Brilliant. And the sock monkey in the field nearly made me spit my coffee out

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Thanks! There were times during the last few months of the show where it was so awful I wouldn't have been surprised at all if they had thrown in a giant talking Sock Monkey. Probably would have improved things, no doubt.