whose orgasm is it anyway?

[theholyinnocent]

Stumbled upon this article in the Times Online (UK) in which a 44-year-old woman laments the lack of orgasm in her sexual history. Twenty-odd lovers in her life (all male, I assume), and not a single orgasm. Well, maybe one, says she. She's not really sure.

"Oh Christ, oh bloody hell," as the colonel's daughter would say.

After reading the article (which I assume is some sort of excerpt from a book called Cutting Up Playgirl) I felt rather sorry for the poor thing. Wanted to make her tea, give her a maternal pat on the arm and perhaps suggest she try shagging women...of course, probably one of her evil ex-boyfriends forced some sort of humiliating threesome on her which left her scarred for life. Then I saw that surprisingly few of the comments were sympathetic toward her and since I am easily swayed (oh look, Kool-Aid! Is that rainbow dewdrops in them?), I started questioning my own sympathetic disposition. Gay/straight/whatev, we've all had our share of shitty sex encounters, and sometimes when you're with someone it does take a while to get things right, but...after so many years of smiling through horrible morning-afters (gratuitous, gauzy 70s flashback: There's GOT to be a morning after...) with men who behave like lizards (you need to read the article), I might consider hanging it up, so to speak, and keeping a steady date with a good vibrator. Or I might actually ask myself if, perhaps, there is something I'm doing (or not doing) that is contributing to that lack of satisfaction.

Or maybe I am just too focused on orgasms? Sex is about more than orgasms, isn't it? Yeah, I know, I'm just blowing smoke up your crack again.

Comments

[jandyle.livejournal.com]

There could also be a medical reason for her lack of orgasms. She could suffer from depression, or be taking a medication that messes with her ability to have an orgasm. I know someone for whom that is the case, and vibrators don't do it either.

Personally, having experienced orgasms myself, I'd miss them greatly were they to disappear entirely. But I don't know that I'd stop having sex, either with my partner or with myself. There are a lot of bits that feel really good, even if they don't hit the peak, so to speak. (Plus there are those other reasons: bonding, schmoopy lovey-ness, blah-blah etc.)

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

She could suffer from depression, or be taking a medication that messes with her ability to have an orgasm.

Y'know, that's a very good point; I hadn't thought of it that way.

And there are a lot of good bits other than Teh Big Oh!

Other good bits...

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know, I'm just blowing smoke up your crack again.

Oh how you TEASE!!!!

Re: Other good bits...

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

I know, I had my opportunity with you, when you were willingly staring into the bowels of our toilet...if only I smoked!

[badtyler.livejournal.com]

I think we've all had the kind of sexual encounter we'd just as soon forget ever happened... and personally, if it had been me* shagging Lizard Man, I'd have gotten the hell out of there ASAP-- but this woman seems to have had more than her share. And there are tons of reasons why she's never had an orgasm-- but since I don't know her, I'm hard pressed to figure out why. Too bad there's no chance of a hook up with the Colonel's daughter!

Maybe if the book sells well... ?
You know. "If you write it, you will come."

nevermind.
*g*

*but that never would have happened.

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

You know. "If you write it, you will come."

Bwah! Maybe THAT should have been the title of her book!

[badtyler.livejournal.com]

Well... since she seems to have put so much effort into the book, I sincerely hope she comes into money.

*GROAN*

sorry...
*g*

[maroukian.livejournal.com]

"Oh Christ, oh bloody hell," as the colonel's daughter would say.

Yeeeeesssss! I am so with the colonel's daughter!

I am just very sorry for the ol' gal. 20 lovers and no organsm? Man or woman, I imagine ONE of them should have managed after all that time.

She is still young- at 44, she, technically, should have a lot of Ohs left innher. Therefore, I conclude that she needs to spend some quality time by herself, figure out how she likes it, then venture out into the fray once again-- armed with new, valuable information!

Everything comes with instructions, these days...

[psimilarity.livejournal.com]

She is still young- at 44, she, technically, should have a lot of Ohs left innher.

"Technically"? There's a technical use-by date ("best before")? I'm turning 45 in two weeks!

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Psim, you better run out and get laid before your cream curdles!

[psimilarity.livejournal.com]

Doc, just let me know how long I've got.

[maroukian.livejournal.com]

There's a technical use-by date ("best before")?

No! Of course, there isn't! Forgive me.
I've heard that 45 is the new 35!

I said "technically" because the poor thing is 44 and hasn't had an orgasm! So, there is potentially a technical problem there. :)

I'm turning 45 in two weeks!
Well, Happy Birthday!
I hope you get lot's of good, *technical* birthday happiness!

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Therefore, I conclude that she needs to spend some quality time by herself

Yep, you're right on about that. I was wondering about that myself, if she does/did have orgasms while masturbating, or even if she does whack off.

Everything comes with instructions, these days...

Sad, innit? :)

[stargazer1960.livejournal.com]

Wow, twenty lovers. Kind of a "randy" for 44, isn't she? My students would call her a playah. Still, she has the right to enjoy it.

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Randy, yes, but I think to be a playah you have to have bigger numbers, no? Ask your students, SG! :)

[galaxyrabbit.livejournal.com]

I think she should start with shagging herself - because if she doesn't know what gets her off, how can she expect anyone else to figure it out? (Or if she does know, and tells these multitudes of lovers, and they ignore her, then she needs to rethink her selection mechanism.)

And yes, sex is about more than orgasms... but they're pretty damn important, in my opinion. If there is sex, and there is not at least one orgasm per person, then I myself would file that under "not-so-great sex" and resolve that next time better be soon and spectacular. (But maybe I am just spoiled by only shagging a girl?)

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

(But maybe I am just spoiled by only shagging a girl?)

Ain't no maybe about it. :)

[psimilarity.livejournal.com]

Or maybe I am just too focused on orgasms?

No, I think she's not focused enough.

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

Or she might be too focused?

[aleatory-6.livejournal.com]

Just got home and have five beers under my belt so excuse my candour. I'd be willing to bet a month's salary that this woman either has a poor body image and can't relax enough to enjoy herself or? Maybe she's Catholic. Who doesn't experience orgasm at a much younger age through er... self discovery unless you've been indoctrinated with the whole "it's dirty" or (my personal favourite) "you'll go blind" mantra that these brain-washed, guilt-ridden god-bothering types are so famous for? I refuse to believe a 44 year old woman hasn't tiptoed through the twolips at some stage in her life but I guess when she says "except one – possibly", you know she hasn't. Because, there's no "possibly" about it, girlfriend. I have sympathy if it's culture/religion that's deprived her but none if it's ignorance. Of course, 23 dud men in a row isn't out of the question either.

[theholyinnocent.livejournal.com]

I think you should drink & surf more often, dear. :)

Yeah, there was a lot that little snippet in the Times didn't address, no doubt for lack of space. I wasn't raised Catholic, but that particular religion does seem to do a real number on a lot of women when it comes to sex!

Of course, 23 dud men in a row isn't out of the question either.

Hee, I suppose not, but it's really bad luck if it is! We could ask Joanie, she probably encountered similar long droughts in her line o'work. (Now that's an advice column I would read: "Ask Joanie Stubbs." Of course, Cy would probably write in with rude psychotic questions all the time...listen to me babble, and I don't have the excuse of 5 beers either...)

[aleatory-6.livejournal.com]

Haha! Can you image Jane seeking advice? "I want you to 'go ahead and sponge my tits' and kiss me but I'm going to frame my requests in this dream sequence I had and be really ambiguous in a drunken, multiple run-on sentence kind of way. I'm gonna curse and deny and shake and waffle and avoid the question I really wanted to ask." Heh, we all (including Joanie) see right through you, Jane.

Btw, mine were light beers so I didn't really have an excuse either. :)